2011 - The beginning

Hello Blog World...long time no speak...

I know its been awhile but I have made a promise that 2011 I will be better at this and will do my best to blog every week. I need an outlet to put my feelings into...

My resolutions this year...I quit Facebook. I did it...me...the Facebook junkie. So far I dont really miss it. I thought I would but really I dont...

Its amazing how I let this one place rule my life. I was always checking it. Always wondering what was going on in the FB world. I found myself being more and more consumed by it. So I quit..

2011 has to be better than my 2010...

2010 was a year with many ups and downs. 2009 didnt end great. I should have seen that as a sign. I didnt see what happened this year coming...I just wanted to find my happiness...I lost something in me. I wasnt happy at home...I will say that up front. Jason wasnt happy either. After losing his job and not taking his meds...he fell into a depression that sucked him into his man cave. He & I werent partners...we basically were living in the same house but seperate lives.

In March, I met someone...it was just a harmless friendship from FB. He made me laugh, we talked for hours, he listened to me and would even watch crappy TV with me. He would go do things with me. That was important. It was nice to have someone to just go do something with me as a group. It sounds silly but when you are a social person, its important. Jason didnt have the same likes as me...he was content in his cave while I pursued my social activities.

From this...I made mistakes. I can say that I should have done things differently. However, hindsight is always 20/20. I was happy...how could something so wrong be right at the same time? I look at mistakes as lessons though and no matter how bad they are and how much they might hurt...I know what I wont do again. I do not believe that sins of the past have to rule your future.

I know I have disappointed a lot of friends & family. I lied to some of them because I didnt know how to come right out and say what I felt. Some who have found out have opted to no longer speak to me or consider me part of their family. This is something that I have to live with...I have said I am sorry till I am blue in the face...and as I told someone I dont need to be told what a horrible person I am and that I am ruining my life. I feel bad enough but all I can do is go forward...

And I am going forward...

I am working on being the best Mom I can be for Alex. I am working on being a better person.

I am still in love with my friend. He and I are taking things day by day. We have some bad days but its a work in progress. I dont expect it to be perfect and I know the odds are stacked against us. However, good bad or indifferent...I am happy.

Until next time...